Intimate Covenant Podcast

Spicing Up Your Sex Life [175]

• Intimate Covenant -- Matt & Jenn Schmidt • Episode 175

Share episode

Send us a text

Matt and Jenn use a cooking analogy to explore how great married sex requires more than just "spices" – it needs solid foundational ingredients of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical connection.

• Adding more spice to bad ingredients doesn't make a dish better; it likely makes it worse.
• In struggling marriages, focusing solely on sexual excitement without addressing overall closeness leaves couples unsatisfied
• All aspects of intimacy (spiritual, emotional, mental, physical) are interconnected and strengthen each other
• The upcoming annual retreat will explore the theme "One" and these interconnected aspects of intimacy.

Join us for our annual marriage retreat, September 18-20, featuring special musical guest Trey Keller! Register at intimatecovenantcom/retreat. If you'd like to help couples attend through our scholarship fund, donate here:
https://intimatecovenant.com/donate/

Or,  contact us at podcast@intimatecovenantcom

*** Check out Matt's interview by Nate Whitson of the Get in the Fight Podcast


Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:


 To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
 
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!


 
  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

 www.intimatecovenant.com
Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Support the show

Speaker 1:

Hey, jen want to talk about adding spice to your married sex life.

Speaker 2:

No pepper please.

Speaker 1:

Great. Today on the podcast, we're going to preview the annual marriage retreat with a cooking analogy. Sounds tasty, right, let's do it. Welcome friends.

Speaker 2:

Welcome. We're Matt and Jen, and this is the Intimate Covenant Podcast.

Speaker 1:

Where we believe the Bible and great marriage, sex, both belong on the kitchen table. That's right. We're talking about godly marriage. We're talking about a hot sex life and emotionally fulfilling oneness. We are grateful that you've joined us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, if you'd like to learn more about us, you can visit our website at intimatecovenantcom, and we would always love to hear from you. You can email us at podcast at intimatecovenantcom.

Speaker 1:

With this episode, we want to set the stage for our annual marriage retreat, which is going to occur in September. Of course, the details for the itinerary, for the content, all of this is beginning to materialize, and so we're getting excited. We hope you're getting excited and with this episode, we want to invite everyone to join us for this very special weekend.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but even if you can't join us this year today, we hope to preview some of the content in a way that will be an encouragement for your marriage, whether or not you're able to come hear the fullness of it at the retreat this year or not.

Speaker 1:

And we're going to do it all with a cooking analogy.

Speaker 2:

That's where we're going today.

Speaker 1:

All right, that's the hook.

Speaker 2:

That's the hook Now before we get there, we've got some exciting things to just tell y'all about.

Speaker 1:

We do have some cool announcements that we wanted to make. First of all, I was privileged to be asked to be a guest on the Get in the Fight podcast.

Speaker 2:

Great name. I love the name of that it is.

Speaker 1:

It's a great name, great podcast, great guy. If you're not familiar with Nate Whitson, he is doing a great job with his podcast, with his ministry. Really, what Nate is all about is helping men become dangerous men of God. I love this whole concept, this idea. Nate and I had an incredible conversation. It was very encouraging to me and I think it would be very encouraging for you to go check that out.

Speaker 1:

On the Get In the Fight podcast, I'm going to add a link in the show notes so that you can find that easily but not hard to find if you're searching through your podcast. Go to Get In the Fight. Nate wants men again to become dangerous men of God by fighting against porn, fighting against passivity and fighting against mediocrity all things that I also hate. So again, we just connected on a number of levels. I think you'll hear that in the podcast. I love his mission. I love his energy. I think you're going to find good stuff not only in his podcast. Go to his website, getinthefightclub. You'll find links to other resources. He's got some free resources. He's got some books, lots of great resources there at getinthefightclub. Again, I can't recommend Nate and his work enough. He's doing a great job. I think his podcast deserves a listen, especially the one with me in it.

Speaker 2:

That one, of course, that episode of course. And coming off of that podcast, we received an email from one of Nate's listeners that heard about you and discovered us. So why don't you read that email?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so yeah, this was such a cool email that was sent to us. He says. This listener says I recently discovered your podcast as a result of hearing Matt being interviewed by Nate Whitson on the Get in the Fight podcast. Normally for podcasts like these, where back catalog contains evergreen material, I go through the old episodes and select a handful to listen to. Well, sir, that is a very that's an enormous task you're committing to, but I am impressed. He goes on to say there's lots of excellent content.

Speaker 1:

There are several other reasons I've come to love your podcast. Number one the fact that you are so solidly based on scripture. There are many podcasts out there focused on helping people improve their marriage, both in and out of the bedroom, but the emphasis you guys have on the scripture as your foundation is extremely rare. Number two the involvement of both of you. Many podcasts in this genre are hosted by either a man or a woman and their spouse isn't involved. While some of these podcasts probably have some good content, I think they are significantly handicapped by not having half the relationship represented. Further, whenever they interview someone of the opposite sex on the topic of the marital relationship, it is necessarily extremely awkward. After all, they're having conversations about intercourse and other related things without their spouse present. Kudos to you relationship. It is necessarily extremely awkward. After all, they're having conversations about intercourse and other related things without their spouse present. Kudos to you, jen, for stepping in and being a part of this. Here I am Number three. He says the rapport you two have is awesome.

Speaker 1:

Every other podcast I've listened to in this genre where both the husband and wife are hosts ends up at some point devolving into arguments, even if somewhat friendly, between the husband and wife are hosts, ends up at some point devolving into arguments, even if somewhat friendly, between the husband and wife as they discuss the topic. This frequently comes from the idea that the podcast should be quote real, unscripted and authentic. By contrast, I'm not naive enough to think you two don't have arguments. You, wisely, have worked through them off-air and have outlined the structure of the episode in advance, so the conversation in the episode can follow nicely without devolving into an argument. You are correct, sir, we do have arguments off air, off air. Number four he says the joy you guys demonstrate in the podcast. Your intro always makes me chuckle Matt's exuberance, jen's feigned opposition and Matt's continued exuberance, as if Jen were fully on board, and your comment that the Bible and great married sex both belong on the kitchen table always cracks me up, to say the least. Please keep up the good work.

Speaker 2:

We loved the email we chuckled.

Speaker 1:

We're still laughing, still chuckling.

Speaker 2:

But just thank you. Thank you for seeing our vision, seeing our mission and taking the time to share that with us. It was so uplifting for us to receive this email. As God often does, we can't necessarily say exactly how God works, but isn't it amazing that sometimes, when you most need to hear something, God puts somebody in your life to speak it to you? And so, sir, we needed to hear all of that at the exact time that you sent it.

Speaker 1:

For sure. So thank you, yes, for sure. Thank you very much. That's so encouraging, and we just really appreciate that he's not the only one that has sent us some very encouraging things lately, and we're just so grateful to have so many good people who are supporting us.

Speaker 2:

So those that might be new to our podcast, because I did an interview earlier this year that brought us some new listeners and then you did that interview and we just have kind of seen our numbers tick up lately. So, thanks, thanks for being here. I think that this guy, like we said, that listener really gets what we're trying to do. So if you're new to our podcast, here's kind of a little framework of what we're doing here. On this podcast, we do have a few primary goals. First, we're trying to focus conversations about married sex on biblical principles. That's where you're going to hear us always start.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. That's always where the conversation needs to start, and so that is our fundamental goal is to focus that conversation on biblical principles. We also want to give married couples a framework to have conversations about their own sexual relationships and the inevitable conflicts or challenges that may arise in that sexual relationship. So we're just trying to help couples have their own conversations. This is not us telling you what to do or telling you what you need to get your spouse to do. We're just trying to have a conversation about how can you have better conversations and what are the things that you maybe should be considering and or discussing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and we want to discuss topics about married sex as a conduit to examine the entire relationship and encourage growth in all areas of marital intimacy spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. So this is not just a sex podcast. That's right. This is really. If you're listening, this is about your entire relationship.

Speaker 1:

For sure. The other thing that maybe new listeners ought to be aware of is that our intended audience is married people. We love singles, we adore singles, and we've prepared lots of material for those who are not married, but this podcast is not for that purpose. This podcast is for married people who want to work on their married relationship and specifically to work on the blessing of their sexual relationship.

Speaker 2:

Right. And, of course, the reason for the limited audience is that we are dealing with sexual topics at a level of detail that's just not appropriate or even edifying for those who are not married. And so, again, singles, we love you, but save this podcast for one day when you're in a covenant relationship.

Speaker 1:

For sure. Otherwise, new listeners, thanks for joining us. Yeah, welcome If you're new. If you're a longtime listener, even we, as Jen has already said, we would love to have your feedback. One way that we can get feedback that also helps to spread the message of this podcast is if you do a review, if you can give us a review on Apple Podcasts, that is by far the most influential place that you can leave us a review, even if it's just give us five stars and walk away. But if you can give us five stars and also say something positive about the episode, maybe point to a specific episode, that kind of feedback is literally invaluable. Yeah, now, that said, you can also review podcasts now on Spotify.

Speaker 2:

Oh, is that a new feature?

Speaker 1:

Relatively new and you don't have the option to leave a message or a full-on review, but you can leave a rating. Yes, thank you. You can leave a rating on Spotify, Some of the other podcast apps I won't name them all, but some of the other ones also have that feature. So, depending on where you're listening, go on and leave a review. That's super helpful to us. The other way you can help us and give us feedback, as already mentioned, is send us an email. Podcast at intimatecovenantcom.

Speaker 2:

And you can share an episode via your social media page. So we would always encourage you to just spread the word using your own network of people.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely yeah, share an episode, say something positive about the podcast. We would certainly appreciate that. Speaking of sharing the podcast, so we were contacted recently by a group called Million Podcasts. One word, million Podcasts. They are, I guess, self-described as the ultimate database for finding the perfect podcasts, and we were recently informed by Million Podcasts that we made the top 10 on a few of their category rankings. I'll just say that at first I was like spam, and maybe it still is, but we're still going to boast about it.

Speaker 2:

We'll brag about it. Well, sure, we'll go there. Yes, so a few of their category rankings. They did rank us, so we appeared in spot number 10 on their Christian marriage podcast category. So that's pretty cool, spot number 10.

Speaker 1:

Very cool, we ranked number six in marriage counseling podcasts.

Speaker 2:

Woohoo, look at us. Not even counselors. And, even more exciting, we ranked number two in their intimacy podcast.

Speaker 1:

Number two in the whole world.

Speaker 2:

In the whole world.

Speaker 1:

Allegedly In the rankings the whole world In the whole world. Allegedly in the rankings of intimacy podcasts.

Speaker 2:

So thank you, that's such an honor. We're going to believe that it is not spam and that it is real.

Speaker 1:

Blown away. And, of course, this is all thanks to you, those of you who listen, thanks to all of you who support us, who rank and review the podcast. It's just incredible, hard to believe, when we started this podcast. What was it like five years ago?

Speaker 2:

2020.

Speaker 1:

Five years ago.

Speaker 2:

All of 2020, because we had nothing better to do.

Speaker 1:

I don't know. Was that the reason we had no expectations? Maybe, Jen, you had some expectations.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I had some expectations that we would get a couple episodes in and you would get it out of your system and we'd be done.

Speaker 1:

Well, not quite there yet. I certainly did not expect to have 175 episodes.

Speaker 2:

You did not expect me to stick around for 175 episodes.

Speaker 1:

I never expected you to agree to this at all, ever in the first place.

Speaker 2:

And here we are, episode number 175, the first place. And here we are, episode number 175. And, even more mind-blowing to me, we have now, at this point, had hundreds of thousands of downloads. I can't even comprehend that, across the world, the only continent that our podcast has not been downloaded on is Antarctica.

Speaker 1:

That we know of. Well, there's no stat, there's no stats, stats.

Speaker 2:

Who knows If you go to Antarctica and listen to us. Just let us know. We would love to add the seventh continent to our list.

Speaker 1:

There you go.

Speaker 2:

So thank you guys, thanks for sticking around, thanks for listening. So, as promised, let's finally get to what's our retreat going to be about this year, matt?

Speaker 1:

let's talk about the retreat first of all. The retreat happens this year on september 18th through the 20th that's a thursday night through a saturday afternoon yes, uh, we personally think that the annual, our annual retreat is the best weekend of the year it is it's so much fun for us, it is so much fun for everyone that joins us.

Speaker 2:

We have such a great. I think we somehow are able every year to put together some content, that is, we get to see all of the faces of those couples that are there and watch them throughout the weekend as they're striving to not settle right and to keep working on their marriage and no matter where they started out when they came into the weekend. To just see that hope and excitement on their faces. It's amazing.

Speaker 1:

Oh, absolutely. And besides the, even if you come and don't listen to any of the content, which would be fine, I mean that's your prerogative Even if we said nothing that was helpful, we have tried to build an environment and host it in a location that is just going to be suitable for just relaxation, for couple focus, for having those conversations that you just don't always have the time to have when you're thrown into the midst of the busyness of life and your own household.

Speaker 2:

So we provide two and a half days of challenging and encouraging content meant to strengthen your marriage, but alongside that there's plenty of free time built into the itinerary just for relaxation and couple-focused bonding.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely.

Speaker 2:

We think it's a great weekend and we hope that you would consider joining us. So our theme this year is one, and it's coming from the idea of two becoming one obviously a biblical concept.

Speaker 1:

Obviously from scripture right and really this is a fun theme for me to really think about and it's been fun to kind of start drawing up the outlines of what we want to present, because it's really Our goal when we chose this theme at the beginning of this year was to really kind of go back to our roots. Intimate Covenant started as an eight-week Bible study where we just really dove into the marriage relationship and the biblical principles and how the marriage relationship really hinges on these four aspects of intimacy that we kind of focus on.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, those Bible classes. We kind of did a couple of handful of Bible classes there in early 2016. And it was right. It just was this fun Bible study with a whole handful of couples and we never dreamed where it would go right. But it was great material and that's the reason that it took off like it did, because those first couples that came to that there were like 19 couples that are very first class and those couples went and told their friends, who told their friends, who told their friends, and so it was powerful. It was powerful to feel that in the very beginning that we were maybe tapping into something that you know hadn't been explored fully in a way that was so powerful and encouraging.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and so you know. Obviously we can't squeeze eight weeks of material into a weekend seminar.

Speaker 2:

We did promise that the retreat is relaxing, so don't worry.

Speaker 1:

That's right. But we are using sort of the general theme from that Bible study and the outline to really shape the topics for the sessions that we're going to have during the retreat Sessions. Again, not only us lecturing a little bit or talking a little bit or maybe presenting some of this material in a new and fresh way, but also giving you, as couples, opportunity to really specifically have conversations, like directed conversations, about some of the things that we want to challenge you with. If you've been to our retreats before, or even if you've been through the Bible class before, you should know this is going to be fresh. This is not the same stuff that you've already heard those that have been around.

Speaker 2:

don't be like oh, I've already heard that. No, we're coming at this from a fresh approach, just getting back to our roots, but packaging it up in a fresh way. I will say and I think it's also worth pointing out that, while we generally focus on the sexual relationship on this podcast, the topics at the retreat and, for that matter, most of our other live events cover a much broader range of topics to help build the entirety of the marriage relationship. So it's not just a sex weekend.

Speaker 1:

It could be, if you want it to be.

Speaker 2:

I suppose we do have people that chose to label it that way, but that's not really our goal.

Speaker 1:

It's really not the point, although, as we're going to talk about coming up, I mean, if your sex life is great, the other aspects of your relationship are going to benefit, and vice versa. But specifically this weekend of this retreat, we're going to be encouraging conversations to strengthen not just your sexual relationship but the spiritual, mental and emotional aspects of your relationship as well. So let's dig into that in just a moment. But we do want to make an extraordinarily exciting announcement about the retreat.

Speaker 2:

That's right. Announcement about the retreat that's right. Every year at the retreat we try to do a kickoff event on Thursday night, something that's fun or relaxing, just a great way to start our time together. Yeah, it's social.

Speaker 1:

It's just a fun time.

Speaker 2:

And this year.

Speaker 1:

This year we have invited Mr Trey Keller.

Speaker 2:

Special musical performance by none other than the.

Speaker 1:

Trey Keller, the Trey Keller, so Trey, if you don't know, trey. He lives in Franklin, tennessee, with his wife, jamie, and their four children. Trey works primarily as a session singer and an audio engineer, and his voice can be heard on records by artists including Luke Bryan, cody Johnson, carrie Underwood, jordan Davis, dierks Bentley, clay Walker, john Party and the Black Keys. Ever heard of those folks?

Speaker 2:

Just to name a few.

Speaker 1:

Just to name a few. He has worked on recordings that total over 12 billion, with a B 12 billion streams and views. He has contributed to recordings that have won Grammy Awards. Yeah, that's the Grammy Awards. That's not a million podcasts list, that's Grammy Awards, ACM Awards, CMA Awards.

Speaker 2:

Okay, but I think, better than all of that, as amazing as all of that is, y'all listen up, because in 2024, trey recorded as a voice for one of the bears in the new Country Bear Musical Jamboree at Disney World. I mean, okay, disney people, you got to be at Disney World.

Speaker 1:

I mean Okay, Disney people, you got to be here.

Speaker 2:

I mean, does it get any better than that? You?

Speaker 1:

could have the opportunity to meet one of the country, bears.

Speaker 2:

That's just amazing. Trey right now is listening to this, going wow, Matt and Jen, thanks. Trey also performs regularly as part of the Opry Band. Can't talk.

Speaker 1:

Opry Band.

Speaker 2:

I'm so excited to meet Trey that my words are all tumbled together At the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, where he continues to perform with artists like Lainey Wilson, darius Rucker, zach Topp, lori Morgan, the Gatlin Brothers, steve Warner, rhonda Vincent, steve Earl and Vince Gill. I mean y'all. This dude knows all those people.

Speaker 1:

This guy's legit.

Speaker 2:

And he's coming to our marriage retreat.

Speaker 1:

He's not only coming, he's going to perform for us.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

So it's going to be great. It's going to be fantastic.

Speaker 2:

We are so excited. We're looking forward to it. Trey and his wife are just great people and maybe some of our listeners already know Trey from personal relationships with him. But he's just a great guy and we're so excited to have him and Jamie joining us at the retreat and we cannot wait for Thursday night to hear him perform.

Speaker 1:

It's going to be awesome. Even if that's the only reason you come, it would be worth your trip Sure.

Speaker 2:

just come to hear him.

Speaker 1:

We also want to make an announcement also maybe An appeal. An appeal Good, I like that. So one of our favorite things about the retreat is being able to offer scholarships to some couples who just eagerly want to be there but they just don't have the financial resources to make it happen on their own. In the past we have been able to provide full or partial scholarships for up to 12 couples each year. That's in some cases, over 20% of our attendance at some events. Those folks are there because of partial or full scholarships.

Speaker 2:

And generally these scholarships are funded by the generosity of people who are attending the retreat. So when you fill out the registration form for the retreat, there's always an option to add a donation to our scholarship fund. But more recently, our Patreon subscribers have helped lift this load. So we have just loved the people willing to donate to these couples to bring them along and help them out, and so we typically don't make this appeal to our broad podcast audience, but this year we wanted to, because, even if you are not coming to the retreat, the couples who are relying on and hoping for some help to join us would certainly be grateful for even your donation. So you can't come this year for whatever reason, but you might want to help another couple Y'all. I wish that you could read all the scholarship requests that we get. We do have a form on our website where you can apply for a scholarship, but we ask couples to kind of share with us like why? Why are you in need of this scholarship? Why do you want to come to the retreat?

Speaker 1:

And we hear from so many couples who desperately want to make their marriages better. We hear from couples who just have such immense hope and eagerness to create oneness in their marriage and it is so uplifting, so encouraging to hear these couples who want to make their marriages better and even more so. It's so encouraging to meet these couples when they are able to come because of the help that they get to be there. So it's just if you want to help us provide a very special and transformative experience for them. They and we would just be so very grateful to have your help in doing so. We know there's so many of you in the audience, in the podcast audience, who value marriage. You have the resources sometimes to help others and we would just love to have your help in this.

Speaker 2:

And if you are going to come to the retreat and you want a chance to upgrade your experience, for every $200 in scholarship that you donate, you will be entered into a drawing to upgrade your room to a fancy junior executive suite during the retreat. Thank you, marriott. Our local City Place Marriott that hosts our retreat. They are who are coming alongside us to provide this incentive and we're very thankful to Marriott, but we want to pass along to one of our couples that opportunity. You do have to be attending the retreat to be eligible to win that, obviously.

Speaker 2:

Just to make that clear, obviously.

Speaker 1:

But let me tell you, it's a fancy room. It's fancy the Marriott rooms by themselves, the standard rooms, are fancy enough. They're beautiful you upgrade to a junior suite. You're getting an extra room with like a full couch, an extra TV. It has a second bathroom. I mean that's worth it for some people. By itself it is.

Speaker 2:

Separate out.

Speaker 1:

It's fancy.

Speaker 2:

It is fancy. So if you can help these couples our special, precious scholarship couples check out our show notes for a link to donate, or just send us an email podcasts at intimatecovenantcom and we'll help you figure out how we can get your money from you.

Speaker 1:

And get it to the couples who really need it and deserve it and certainly would be grateful for it.

Speaker 2:

And thanks also to our Patreon subscribers for helping support this effort. I mean, not only do their donations help pay the cost of operation here at Intimate Covenant, but the bulk of the donations that we get monthly do help fund scholarships to the retreats and in some of our other live events. So if you want to help out in a real monthly way, you can also join us. On Patreon you can join for as little as $5 a month. I mean, that's less than a cup of coffee and you can find out more about that at Patreon. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash Intimate Covenant.

Speaker 1:

We would love to have you there. All right, so, as we mentioned, our theme this year at the retreat is one. Now, we won't be spilling all of our planned content here on this episode, but I do want to consider a principle that helps maybe preview this upcoming retreat and also maybe some food for thought for all of us.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I see what you did there.

Speaker 1:

Food for thought.

Speaker 2:

Good, you're so clever.

Speaker 1:

We're working all the angles of this analogy. So I don't remember when or where I heard this, but I did hear someone say one time you can't add spice until you have the main ingredients. Okay.

Speaker 2:

Okay, now, obviously it's a vivid cooking analogy, right.

Speaker 1:

Add spice until you have the main ingredients, okay, okay, now, obviously it's a vivid cooking analogy, right. If you serve someone a plate full of spices, they're not going to be very pleased.

Speaker 2:

That would not be very satisfying. I mean number one. You're still going to be hungry, right? Because spices do not fill you up.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Where's the beef right? Anybody old enough to remember those commercials you just dated yourself. I sure did.

Speaker 2:

But also like think about how overpowering and even distasteful that would be right. A spoonful of chili powder, black pepper, seasoned salt. Like nobody wants this. This is not a meal to be served just spices.

Speaker 1:

And if the main ingredients of that dish are missing or if the main ingredients are poor quality whatever, like, say, the protein is poor quality or it's just missing. Adding more spice to bad ingredients doesn't make the dish better.

Speaker 2:

No, in fact, it probably makes it worse right.

Speaker 1:

Because the spices are there to accentuate the dish. They're not going to make the dish and if you're accentuating bad ingredients, you're only making it worse, right.

Speaker 2:

But, in contrast, adding the right spice to good ingredients can take a bland ordinary dish to something. That's an extraordinary experience and level.

Speaker 1:

Right, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

So similarly Now that we've made, you all hungry for a great meal. Tie it together, matt.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So where I want to go with this is that, similarly, in the sexual relationship, spicing up your sexual relationship is not necessarily the answer if you're trying to improve the quality of your marriage. It's not even necessarily the answer to trying to improve the quality of your sex life.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, and I think you know, tying all the way back to the email that we received. I mean, what that listener got from us is that we're not just trying to spice up a bedroom, right, but we're digging into the, on this podcast, the depth of a relationship, because that's where it has to start right. You have to build your sex. Life isn't separate from your whole relationship. And so if in a struggling marriage without overall closeness, just a focus on the sexual relationship will not improve that relationship, I mean you perhaps will make the physical aspects of the sex more exciting, but ultimately that leaves the couple unsatisfied and even resentful. Because guess what? Sex is not just an act, it's a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. And again getting back to digging into that, there may be one person of that couple who is going to resent the fact that the other is solely focused on spicing up the sexual part of the relationship, especially if that spouse is not putting in the adequate amount of effort to improve all the rest of the relationship. That should be bringing fulfillment and closeness in a more general way. So again, just adding sex toys or just adding new positions or whatever it might be to your sexual sex life is not going to improve, necessarily not going to improve the sex and it's definitely not going to improve the whole relationship unless you have solid main ingredients.

Speaker 2:

Right. A good sex life is one that has good communication and good knowledge of each other's preferences and contains emotional and spiritual closeness. So to have great sex, you have to start with and appreciate the components of good sex.

Speaker 1:

Right, right. Good sex doesn't come from nowhere. Good sex, or sorry, great sex doesn't come out of nowhere and it doesn't come because of new techniques that you learn. Good sex must be the foundation, must be the main ingredient, and then you can add things to make it great.

Speaker 2:

And good sex is about the relationship, not just what two bodies are or aren't doing together. So often the problem with our sex is that we aren't starting with the main ingredients that solid emotional, spiritual and mental connection that we're meant to have.

Speaker 1:

And we say this frequently, and it's worth saying again that it's because the goal of sex is not orgasm, it's not doing something wild and crazy, it's not even about the spice. The goal of sex is about connection.

Speaker 2:

Right and in biblical language connection, that's, the two shall become one. There you go, and that's where we're going with the retreat, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

So often, the problem with our sex is that again, we're not starting with those main ingredients. And likewise in many relationships, the emotional or spiritual connections also are somewhat weakened because this couple has neglected, perhaps, their sexual relationship. So it goes the other way as well. That is overlooked, that you cannot be as close as you could be spiritually, or even emotionally, if you're not also trying to build the sexual relationship as well. All of these things are interconnected.

Speaker 2:

And that's why all of our episodes hinge on encouraging a conversation with your spouse, about building closeness in all ways. Maybe those that have listened for a while tune out our very end. This could be, but every time at the end I say it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and head to your kitchen table to have a conversation, because it has to be about encouraging that conversation with your spouse, meant to build closeness in all ways.

Speaker 1:

Yep. So one of the important concepts that we intend to focus on during this weekend of the retreat is how each aspect of intimacy is interconnected to the rest of the relationship. Yeah, we want to challenge you with questions like how does our spiritual connection impact our emotional and sexual connections?

Speaker 2:

And how does a strong sexual connection help strengthen our spiritual relationship?

Speaker 1:

Or how does a deeply connected emotional relationship help improve our sexual closeness or our spiritual closeness? How are all of these things interconnected and how can we leverage the things that we're good at? If we're good at having a deep spiritual connection, how can we leverage that to improve our connection in other ways? Or where are some places where we need to focus and build more so that we can have a better spiritual connection, a better sexual connection, a better emotional connection? How can we continue to build our relationship in all of these areas, not getting overly focused in one particular place, and how do these relationships all connect to each other? So that's where we're going.

Speaker 2:

That's where we're going, and if you want the answer to all those questions, come to the retreat. We hope this episode piqued your appetite. Oh, look what she did. It took me all episode to come up with that, but I did it. Y'all I did it. We hope you will join us this year. Intimatecovenantcom slash retreat. That's where you go to find out some more information and to register and you can save your spot with just a $200 deposit. And if you can't come, or if you can come either way, if you could help a deserving couple by contributing to our scholarship fund, we and they would be so incredibly grateful.

Speaker 1:

Hey, and if not, if you can't be there, if you can't donate, we still love you, but we would encourage you to consider whether the sex in your marriage needs more spice, or perhaps needs more focus on the main ingredients. Maybe both, but remember that building better intimacy in all realms of your relationship will improve your sexual relationship in a much more profound way than just adding the spice.

Speaker 2:

Y'all listen up. Now it's time to grab your spice. I said your spice.

Speaker 1:

Well, you could grab that too.

Speaker 2:

Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and head to your kitchen table to have the conversation about spicing up your sex life. What are you going to do to improve the emotional, spiritual and sexual closeness in your marriage? What would it take for you to join us at the retreat this year?

Speaker 1:

We'd love to hear your feedback about this episode or anything else. Contact us by emailing podcast at intimatecovenantcom. Or to submit anonymous feedback and questions, go to our website, intimatecovenantcom. Or to submit anonymous feedback and questions, go to our website IntimateCovenantcom. Slash podcast.

Speaker 2:

Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing, rating and sharing the podcast. We're truly humbled by all your encouragement and your support. Thanks especially to our Patreon subscribers for coming alongside us in a very real way. If Intimate Covenant has blessed your marriage, we'd love to have you join us too. Subscribe at patreoncom. Slash intimate covenant.

Speaker 1:

And please support our affiliate businesses who help support Intimate Covenant Links, and exclusive discount codes to these marriage-centered businesses are in the show notes. Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.