Intimate Covenant Podcast

Organic Sex [172]

Intimate Covenant -- Matt & Jenn Schmidt Episode 173

Send us a text

In this episode, Matt & Jenn tackle the concept of "organic sex" and whether truly spontaneous intimacy is even possible in a long-term marriage. The myth that good sex should just naturally happen without planning or effort has damaged many marriages and created unrealistic expectations.

• Sex is natural but not naturally perfect - it requires intentional cultivation
• Many couples believe the Hollywood myth that passionate encounters should happen effortlessly 
• The best sex flows from creating space for connection across all dimensions of intimacy
• Physical intimacy is not separate from emotional, spiritual, and intellectual connection
• Seemingly "spontaneous" encounters are actually built on intentional groundwork
• Great sex isn't about spontaneity but about co-creating an environment where intimacy flourishes
• Most of what builds great sex happens outside the bedroom through everyday connection
• When couples focus on building multi-level intimacy, sex becomes a natural byproduct

Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:

  • Married Dancehttps://marrieddance.com/?aff=29
    We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free. 
    Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  
  • Coconuhttp://www.coconu.com
    Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. 
    Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant
  • Dating Divashttps://thedatingdivas.myshopify.com?sca_ref=6278443.H6eWDeXGfx
    Strengthening marriages one date at a time.
    Shop from this link and your part of your purchase will help support Intimate Covenant. Check out their Sexy Subscription Boxes!
  • Honoring Intimateshttps://www.honoringintimates.com/?ref=INTIMATECOVENANT
    Modest and classy premium lingerie, model-free.
    Get 20% off and support Intimate Covenant with your purchase.
  • Ginger & Peach https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/
    Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market.
    Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT" 



 To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
 
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!


  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.

Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant


 www.intimatec

Support the show

Speaker 1:

Hey, Jen want to talk about organic sex.

Speaker 2:

We are not recommending sex in the produce aisle Great.

Speaker 1:

Today we're going to answer a listener question about whether the best sex is spontaneous, natural and organic. Let's do it. Welcome, friends.

Speaker 2:

Welcome, we're Matt and Jen and this is the Intimate Covenant Podcast. Welcome, friends, welcome. We're Matt and Jen, and this is the Intimate Covenant.

Speaker 1:

Podcast, where we believe the Bible and great married sex both belong on your kitchen table. That's right. We're talking about godly marriage with hot sex and emotionally fulfilling oneness, and thank you for joining us.

Speaker 2:

Thanks. If you'd like to learn more about us, you can check out our website at IntimateCovenantcom, and we'd always love to hear from you. You can email us at podcast at IntimateCovenantcom.

Speaker 1:

In fact, today we're answering a listener question from a listener actually in Canada. Did you know that we're international?

Speaker 2:

I believe I did know that since we went to China last year. Remember that.

Speaker 1:

Yes, good point, good point. Always good to hear from folks outside of our own national boundaries. Yeah, but we did get an email from a listener in Canada and we're going to read that email and dig in in just a minute. But the question, as we alluded to in the opener, is it centers around a very common conflict, that conflict between spontaneous and intentional sex.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, wanting to know which is better, which is the ideal. Can we have both? Is there such thing as spontaneous sex?

Speaker 1:

So we'll get into that with those leading questions that Jen has asked. But before we get too far into this episode, we wanted to first acknowledge that, hey, it's been a while.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it has been a while. As we said in what was our last episode, we had no idea that we were going to end up with quite the break we did. But in January early January I ended up with an emergency surgery. All went well and I'm making a full recovery. But that recovery was harder than we expected.

Speaker 1:

It definitely threw us sideways for a bit, maybe even backwards for a bit.

Speaker 2:

Recovery was a little more involved than I think you were expecting, yeah yeah, no one's ready for emergency surgery, especially not at the beginning of the year. That knocks out your entire month of January and February. So it was fun. But then after that we did have some fun. We had an amazing family trip. It was kind of our big last hurrah. If you know us, you know our family, you know that our youngest is a senior in high school. We had two kiddos that just graduated or are about to graduate from college, Lots and lots of things to celebrate, and so we took a really amazing trip, but that occupied a lot of time.

Speaker 1:

Pete, it did. That was a little bit of a distraction from the podcast, if you will. And then, of course, on top of that, we're dealing with the spring semester of our youngest daughter's senior year.

Speaker 2:

There is just anything and everything you can imagine goes into that senior year last semester, all the last, all the big things which are fun, but you know we really wanted to be present for all of that, so that's taken a lot of time.

Speaker 1:

And then, probably the biggest detractor has been some drama. I guess is maybe a kind way of putting it, that's a good way to put it and maybe we'll get into that a little bit later in the episode, but we just wanted to acknowledge it has been a while it has been. We're sorry those of you that are Intimate Covenant podcast pursuers this is it's not a rejection of you. This is it's not a rejection of you. This is uh, just uh, we've had some things taking our time and we just uh, had to prioritize those things. But uh, we're back, we are, we have every intention of staying back. Yeah, so hopefully this is more, uh, more of more to come that's right.

Speaker 2:

So while we were away, big thing that happened is our registration for this year's annual retreat opened. It opened on February 14th, like it does every year, and so at this recording, we are right at the halfway mark for being full. We can take about 52-ish couples. Sometimes we have a little leeway there, but we're almost halfway full. So if coming to this year's retreat is something that you want to make sure and be a part of, you need to start signing up. Sign up soon. All it takes is a $200 deposit to save your spot, and we're really looking forward to it. This year's retreat is September 18th through the 20th that's right Going to be at the same location, right outside of the Woodlands, texas, here in our neck of the woods, and we would love to have you join us.

Speaker 1:

Yes, very much so. We'd love to have you with us. We have already a mix of some retreat veterans and some newbies already, yeah, so it's always fun to see some of the new names come across. But, yes, we are very excited. The theme this year is ONE, just simply ONE, one. We'll talk more about what that means.

Speaker 2:

I guess we should say O-N-E-1, not W-O-N.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, yes, it's not a competition, not a victory.

Speaker 2:

Maybe I'll treat your marriages like it's competition.

Speaker 1:

It could be yes, but it is one, and we're going to talk more about what that means, what that looks like, maybe give you guys a little bit of a sneak peek in maybe a future episode here coming up. But let's get into today's topic.

Speaker 2:

And so this, as you alluded to Matt, this is from a listener, from an email we received from a listener. It's from a husband and he's been married 17 years, and I'll let you do the reading Okay.

Speaker 1:

So with that context, here's what he wrote us. He said your podcast has been a game changer for me. It really helped me identify and focus on my shortcomings and how I've contributed to our intimacy problems. Well, first of all, thank you for that compliment. Good job, appreciate that and appreciate you for digging into your own issues and your side of the equation. He goes on to say a little backstory before my question.

Speaker 1:

When we got married, on our wedding night we didn't have sex. We kissed and started to head that way, but she was super stressed and not feeling it, so we stopped and waited until the following night. Once we had arrived at our destination for our honeymoon, I was disappointed, but it wasn't the end of the world for me. While we were on our honeymoon, things went okay. We had sex and took time figuring out this new thing for us. While I, being the high drive pursuer, would have liked more, it wasn't alarming. Once we got back from the honeymoon, that changed. The frequency tapered and over the years became probably six to seven times a year and sometimes went as long as a year without as I would stop pursuing because the pain of rejection was overwhelming. Unfortunately, even these few number of times, I felt like it was mercy sex and I hated it. It wasn't what I wanted. I want her and the connection.

Speaker 1:

This past month I came to a point where something had to change. I talked to her. I went hard after resources to help me figure out what was happening books, podcasts, webinars, courses, etc. And we've had some good, hard conversations and made some progress. And this leads me to my question.

Speaker 1:

During one of those hard questions, she brought up our wedding night and how she felt my disappointment that night. Since that night, she told me that sex has always felt like a duty to her and that she has never felt quote organic sex. I asked her to help me understand what organic sex was to her. What I heard her say was that it was natural sex that just occurs, it's not planned for, there's no expectation it will happen, we don't talk about it before and schedule it, etc. While you hear her heart and that desire and absolutely never want her to feel pressured or like sex is a duty.

Speaker 1:

I don't really understand this concept of organic, natural sex that just occurs, of organic, natural sex that just occurs. My question is is truly organic sex? Even a thing? It seems like sex that's truly intimate and emotionally and spiritually connecting, is intentional and takes work, something we learn together over time and that won't just happen on its own. So how can something like that truly be organic, especially in context of a busy life and marriage where we both work full-time, have two kids that we homeschool, dance, karate, etc. Hopefully you can shed some light or insight on this for me to better change my heart and guide our marriage and her in this area.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, and her in this area. Thank you, Wow. There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, listener, thank you so much for sending in this question. Thank you for trusting us to be a resource in your pursuit of better understanding your marriage. Just a little side note we take that seriously. When you all email us, that means a lot to us, and so thank you, Thank you for reaching out to us, and you can be assured that if you have a question, while the details might be different than somebody else's details, someone has this same question. We know this because this is a question that we have heard in many other settings live events and things like that. So you're not alone, and thank you very much for taking the time to send this in, because it's a great question.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and we appreciate the vulnerability and the context of the question, because I think the context of this question in particular brings up a lot of kind of side points that are not in the meat of this question. So what's the print? Yeah, there's a lot of directions we could go with this.

Speaker 2:

So we're going to try to kind of hone in on just that one main question. But I do think it's something to recognize that this is a 17-year marriage, where he is saying that sex right now and it sounds like for a while within this marriage, has been happening six to seven times per year, sometimes even just.

Speaker 1:

Pete Sometimes far less than that.

Speaker 2:

Kirsten Far less than that just yearly. So I think it's important for us to share with you that this is what many experts, or the expert standard, would categorize as a sexless marriage. Pete.

Speaker 1:

Right, even though sex is happening, it's not happening with enough frequency to be an indicator of health in this relationship, and so sex does not make a marriage and vice versa. But when sex is happening this infrequently, it is a sign that there is likely some very deep-seated problems in this relationship and, as such, there's probably more to this relationship and these relational problems than just the sex piece. Right, it's unlikely that this is a thriving, harmonious marriage in every respect, except in the bedroom. Right Now I don't know these folks, nope, and we don't know anything more than what has been shared in this email. But that is at least a red flag, especially if you are dealing with a professional relationship therapist or counselor. I think they would handle this as a challenging and a devitalized kind of relationship.

Speaker 2:

I don't say that to scare the person who wrote this, but to say to you obviously we're not going to be able to give you the full depth that you need in order to really even dig into the depth of this problem in this one podcast episode. So we would highly highly recommend that you seek professional counseling, because I think there is a lot to unpack there and I think that is really going to be. We are big proponents of professional counseling. I mean, we would always advise you to find a professional counselor that is faith-based, that has the same perspective that you have. I think that is very important, but I do think that this is a case where some professional counseling is warranted. But overall, I mean, within all of the complexity of that, I think there is a good question in there that is a good question for us to consider and that is is truly organic sex, even a thing?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love how he words it. Yeah, I love how he words it. And again, I think this is a question regardless of the affection, that sex is just going to happen naturally and it's going to be beautiful and it's going to be perfect and there's never going to be any trouble. And we shouldn't. It's a gift from God, we're told right, so we shouldn't have to work for it, or so we think.

Speaker 2:

Or so we think that's right, but the truth is nothing happens organically or spontaneously. There must be preparation, there must be intentionality.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, even if you are a physicist or a scientifically-minded person, you recognize that if you just let things go….

Speaker 2:

What direction do they go? Do they get better or do they get worse?

Speaker 1:

Does the state of your household get better without any intentionality, or worse?

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, if you have any little people in your house, you know what direction that goes? Or if you just have a husband, sorry.

Speaker 1:

If you just look at my desk, you would realize what happens when there is no intentionality involved.

Speaker 2:

But isn't it interesting that many of us do have this mindset, that we can understand that in so many realms of our life, and yet we think that sex doesn't fit into that same, you know, way of being?

Speaker 1:

We don't even apply this rule to any other kind of our intimacy. We don't expect that our spiritual intimacy is going to get better if we don't put any work into it.

Speaker 2:

Or that I'm going to know you better if we don't have any conversation. Yeah, it's such a it's just such a Satan's good at perpetrating this lie by using Hollywood by using romance novels and we look in those stories and we see two people that just fall head over heels in love and then have this magic love scene and everything is just great and everybody's happy and everybody's pleasured. And it just happened.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I mean, this lie is even started. We started indoctrinating our little girls with this lie from the very first Disney princess movies that they see.

Speaker 2:

Oh, here you go getting on your Disney soapbox.

Speaker 1:

I mean like two people who've never met before just randomly fall in love with one glance, not even a conversation. They fall in love with a simple glance and then it all just works out magically and everybody's in love by the end.

Speaker 2:

Well, and we believe you know again what's Satan done in our society. What's Satan done in our society? He's told us that the best sex is happening in the one-night hookups where two people don't know each other at all. But it's organic, it's bodies, it's hormones, it's chemistry, it's physical connection and it just happens. Well, can sex feel good just physically? Well, sure it can, but I would challenge is that really good sex?

Speaker 1:

Right and I think that's part of the lie is that the best sex is happening with people who don't even know each other.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

And it's just again part of the lie, part of the problem, part of the misconception and part of the expectations sometimes that we go into a relationship with. Now I'm not accusing, I'm not saying this wife came into this relationship with all of these expectations.

Speaker 2:

I think we're saying, like many of us recognize we had those kind of similar expectations or lies stuck in our head.

Speaker 1:

But I love what sex therapist Martha Kalpe says about this. She says sex is perfectly natural, but it's not naturally perfect. In other words, sex is a natural thing and it's a beautiful thing and it's supposed to happen, is a natural thing and it's a beautiful thing and it's supposed to happen. We are intended for it, we are designed for it and marriage relationship is the best place for it. But just because it's natural and, in our way of thinking, just because it's given by God and to be part of this natural process by which men and women are united in this covenant of marriage, just because it's natural doesn't mean that it happens naturally without any effort. It's not perfected just on its own.

Speaker 2:

Now, can there be times in your marriage where sex feels spontaneous? Yeah, but I would say those times it's not actually spontaneous. You have laid a groundwork to then make it a natural extension of the intimacy that you have been busy creating. I mean, we often think, like you know a vacation. We often think, like you know, a vacation, a beautiful resort, zero stress. I didn't have to do a thing to worry about what we were eating. Today We'll picture this as an all-inclusive resort, right? No decisions needed to be made and I spend the day totally relaxed. And then that leads into an amazing connection with my beloved. In that circumstance, sex feels spontaneous right, pete.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it does feel organic.

Speaker 2:

Kirsten, it does feel organic, but how did you get to that resort?

Speaker 1:

Pete, yeah, there was a lot of planning. I mean, maybe even a watered-down version of this is date night and physical touch and connection, all of that when that naturally then leads to beautiful lovemaking at the end of your date night. Yes, that feels organic and it feels natural and it feels almost spontaneous. But was it Only to the extent that you put in quite a bit of intentionality and preparation and you worked to build and continue that intimacy throughout that evening? It is a natural extension of the work that you have already created, right.

Speaker 1:

So I think I would suggest to both this husband and wife because it has to fall on both to build this. You each have to be laying the groundwork for sex to happen in the time and the preparation, and you can set aside a time where we can devote to building intimacy together. If it feels too pressuring to say that sex is necessarily going to happen out from this date night or whatever it might be, maybe that's too much pressure for this moment, but it doesn't have to be. If we can set aside time for intimacy and relationship building and physical closeness, sex can quote, organically grow from that. But it's not that we're not putting any effort into it, it's not that it just happens by itself.

Speaker 2:

And I think this gets to the idea. Actually, here we'll plug the retreat this year. Here we go.

Speaker 2:

We tend to think of our relationship in these little self-contained boxes and we put sex in its own little box, right, and we act like we can take it or leave it and it doesn't affect the rest of a relationship or it doesn't have anything to do with the rest of a relationship.

Speaker 2:

And, frankly, nothing could be farther from the truth, because we, our marriages, are designed to have many different levels and places in which we should be connecting with one another, seeking intimacy with one another. We like to talk about it and I think the Bible actually is who talks about it this way that there is, yes, there's physical intimacy, but there's also emotional intimacy, there's mental intimacy, there's spiritual intimacy. This year's retreat is built on how do we maximize all levels of connection and how do we become one in all areas of intimacy. So how does sex feel? How do you get to a place where sex feels organic? Well, you get there when you recognize the connection that all those levels of intimacy play with one another. And so, when we are emotionally connected with one another, physical intimacy is a byproduct.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would suggest, if this wife feels like sex is an obligation or that it's not happening organically in her words, that suggests to me that there is not enough intimacy in the fullness of this relationship. Otherwise, sex would be a byproduct Now, because if there's pressure, if there's obligation, if there's this duty to have sex, if that is the feeling, there is never going to be any passion associated with that. So this husband, this couple, husband and wife, really have no hope for there being passionate, organic sex, unless if there is pressure or obligation. If there is pressure or obligation, either an assumed pressure perhaps the wife is feeling pressure that is maybe not there, or she has pressure internally, or pressure that is being put upon her by the husband, who is the pursuer in this case, and I think that opens up a whole other dimension of this conversation. But this wife, it sounds like, had some pretty when it came to the honeymoon.

Speaker 2:

Now, I'm not blaming her, I'm not trying to say anything against her, but I would think that that's a red flag, a clear sign at least, that she was entering into this marriage with some, at the very least, poor understanding of the beauty of married sex. And maybe this is just a call to all of us who are married do a better job, do a better job of helping brides see the beauty of married sex, the connection that should be coming from that. Not viewing it as an obligation no, I would love that's another that not viewing it as an obligation.

Speaker 1:

No, I would love you're right, but I would love to know that every young bride and or groom are getting good quality preparation for this part of their relationship. It's a place where I think the church has failed and we've had these conversations in prior episodes as well and other events but it's a place where the church has failed in giving our young people well, maybe not all young our newly married people the tools they need to navigate this complicated part of their relationship.

Speaker 2:

Well, because you see, like I mean he is, he's going off, this is 17 years into their marriage. Like I mean he's going off, this is 17 years into their marriage and he goes back to night one. That just shows us the power. Frankly, that's within night one. Now I don't say that to put more pressure on that first night, but it does show that she had some anxiety from the beginning. Maybe they both did. I mean, I don't know what actually happened in that bedroom, but clearly that's kind of where this began. And so she has associated it sounds like for the vast majority of her marriage she's associated sex with duty and therefore an obligation and therefore a place of anxiety.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it sounds like she wasn't.

Speaker 2:

She can't hope to have a passionate experience surrounded by all of that.

Speaker 1:

It sounds like she wasn't prepared to know how to find the joy and the pleasure in sex for herself. Yeah, pleasure in sex for herself, it was. She made it to be a duty for her husband and is waiting for this magical time when she might enjoy it herself, rather than knowing how to be, to prepare herself, her mind, her spirit, her body, how to prepare herself to be able to receive the joy from this.

Speaker 2:

Right, and so I would say, I mean again I think this is a place where, if this is your story, if this is your spouse's story, that's a place where some therapy is needed, some coaching, some mentorship. If you can identify that there has always been anxiety in your marriage regarding sex, that definitely has a place where some unpacking needs to be done. Where is that coming from?

Speaker 1:

Pete, absolutely Particularly. If this is not something that you a hurdle that you have not been able to get past in the first few months of your relationship, if there's still anxiety about sex, if there's still a resentment or even reservations about having sex, that it's not enjoyable sex.

Speaker 2:

And I think that's important for wives to hear. We have this misconception that I just need to do my wifely duty because all it is is physical to him too. He's just looking for a release. He's looking for my physical body and I'll just show up in my body, get it over with and we can move on with our life. But that's not what a godly husband wants for sure. That's clearly not what this man wants and he's mourning the fact that he doesn't. What we call that mercy sex when one partner just shows up just to simply check it off, the to-do list just offers nothing but a physical connection. That's mercy sex. That is not connection.

Speaker 1:

Pete, no, it's not godly sex. It's not building connection in your marriage. In fact, in many cases, as this emailer suggested, it just is simply building more and more resentment for the both of you. Neither of you is getting what you want out of this and I think there is some onus here on the husband for continuing to accept mercy sex Again, if this problem had been addressed and you know, hindsight is 20-20,. This is not criticism of this husband, because he's trying to do the right thing today, which is all I can ask, but I can imagine that if this was a conversation that they had in year one or month one of their marriage, they'd be in a different place now. If the husband had the words and the framework to address this issue and to address the lack of connection in their sex from the beginning, this could have been a very different outcome 17 years later. Again, that's perhaps on all of us for not helping to prepare married couples and giving them the tools to even have these conversations.

Speaker 1:

And some of this dynamic, I'm sure, is compounded by even, in some ways, the ways that this husband may have been handling rejection from the beginning, when he was not getting responses to his overtures for sex. How was he handling that? Was he creating more tension? Was he creating more pressure? That's where pressure comes from in a lot of cases. If this wife is feeling the pressure when she says no, then that's a lot of times. All she's going to be able to offer then is mercy sex. So there's a lot to this dynamic. We've addressed some of that dynamic in previous episodes or episodes like mercy sex and how to handle rejection. So maybe something to go back to.

Speaker 2:

But Maybe kind of where we land. This is what do we suggest. How can we offer at least something to help both this listener and others that are in the same kind of boat?

Speaker 1:

relationship and in all sexual relationships, have work to do in order to co-create a situation where intimacy is being fostered in all the realms of their relationship. It's something that must be co-created, and it is not just in the realm of what's happening in the bedroom. In fact, most of what builds great sex is not happening in the bedroom. It is happening in all of the daily life, right?

Speaker 2:

So when a couple comes to us and says we're not having enough sex, our answer is not well, just have more sex.

Speaker 1:

Right, that never helps.

Speaker 2:

That doesn't help. But the answer is look at the entirety of your marriage. Start working on building intentionally building spiritual intimacy, mental intimacy, emotional intimacy. Be intentional about every realm of intimacy, physical intimacy as well. But just recognize that the way to have more sex is not just to act like this is just a sex problem, because that's what you don't want. The answer is not just more sex. The answer is how do we be connected and fully intimate in our marriage? That's your goal.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and then sex becomes a natural byproduct. It is the outflowing of that intimacy and connection that we are building in every sense In our marriage. That's your goal. It still feels quote-unquote organic because it is flowing out of this space that we have created. When I create this space and reserve this space for the two of us, when I reserve this space for time to share and to be intimate and to be connected, when I build that space, create that space, protect that space, then sex can happen in that space and it feels quote unquote natural and organic, if that's kind of what you're looking for, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So his question is is truly organic sex, even a thing? Yes and no? Yes, it seems like sex that's truly intimate and emotionally and spiritually connection is intentional and takes work Bingo, yes, but so does sole focus of your marriage, but a beautiful part of your, the wholeness of your marriage, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's a goal for everybody, whether you've been married 17 days or 17 years, whether your marriage and sex life are just off the charts extraordinary or whether it's something that you're still working on and building. This is a great lesson for all of us that, yes, sex takes hard work and we say that a lot and we preach that a lot but it doesn't have to feel like hard work. It doesn't have to feel like it's something that we're just scheduling on our to-do list and making it a to-do item. It can feel natural when we've put in the work and the preparation to make it that way. All right. Well, before we end this episode, we just wanted to acknowledge again that we missed a couple of months and we're sorry.

Speaker 2:

Some of you have been reaching out to make sure that we haven't fallen off the face of the planet, we haven't been kidnapped or worse. We can assure you that we are still here. Aside from the health struggles that I mentioned, that definitely knocked us for a loop at the beginning of our year, we've kind of had an even bigger source of distraction.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that primary distraction for us has come in the form of some fairly intense criticism, including attacks on our character and attacks on our judgment that really are all centered around the subject matter for this podcast.

Speaker 2:

We have heard and been told very loudly that some people believe that it is inappropriate for Christians to talk about sexual topics in a public format. To talk about sexual topics in a public format. We've been told that that's especially true for leaders in the church, that sex Christians should not be talking about sex.

Speaker 1:

Pete and some folks are just uncomfortable with this concept and others believe that the podcast content is simply outright sinful. And while we acknowledge that the topics that we address in this podcast are certainly polarizing, we'll say, and certainly these topics are uncomfortable for some and I'm sure you wouldn't believe this, but they are even uncomfortable for us sometimes. These topics and this podcast, we believe provides an important resource for married couples who love Jesus and who want to love each other better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we have always said that the podcast is what it is, first of all, because, from the very beginning, you all begged us to do this podcast, but it is a place in which we can discuss these sometimes uncomfortable conversations through a private medium. I'm not looking in your eyes, you're not looking in my eyes. You're not sitting by your best friend, necessarily, unless you choose to be so. It is a format in which we can get more personal when it comes to the married sex relationship, but it's some people have taken that and I don't know the right words weaponized that.

Speaker 1:

It's yeah, we'll leave it there.

Speaker 1:

This is not the time and the place for all the details, but we just want you to know we've needed some space and some time to try to address some of these conflicts directly and also then deal with the fallout that we have had to walk through. We've really been forced to rethink everything and reconsider the consequences that this work and this podcast has on ourselves, on our marriage, the consequences to our children and the consequences to the work that we have to do even in our own local church family. Thank you for giving us some time, some space to walk through what has been some really hard months for us, and also from many who are not close to the situation but have heard about everything and have reached out with words of comfort and support and life life-giving words. So many that have reached out and we have truly been touched by their love. But we really wanted to let all of you know about this for two reasons. One, we want to let you know we're not stopping this work, including the podcast. This is episode 173.

Speaker 1:

173, and 174 is coming up next. So so we're not stopping. We just needed time to deal with the fallout and we thank you for your patience. Also, we just wanted to let you know that we need your prayers for comfort and for healing and for the courage to get back up and do what we know that we need to be doing, and so with that, we need to be doing, and so, with that, we'll leave it there. We appreciate you so very much. For all of those of you who listen, we know that you listen because you reach out to us when we fail to get an episode out. We know that you listen because you've told us episode out. We know that you listen because you've told us. So, whether that's one of you or a few of you, whether you are in Canada or in the United States or anywhere else.

Speaker 1:

We thank you. We're not celebrities by any means, but we do know that there are a significant number of you that appreciate this work that we're doing, and so we just want to let you know that we appreciate you.

Speaker 2:

Yes, thank you. Thank you for being a support and an encouragement to us and, most of all, thank you for proclaiming in your own marriages the beauty of connection and oneness, as God intended. Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and head to your kitchen table to have a conversation about how you can create a better space for truly connected sex in your marriage.

Speaker 1:

We'd love to hear your feedback about this episode or any others. Contact us by emailing podcast at intimatecovenantcom or to submit anonymous feedback and questions go to intimatecovenantcom. Slash podcast.

Speaker 2:

Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing, rating and sharing the podcast. We're truly humbled by your support and your encouragement. We're truly humbled by your support and your encouragement and thanks especially to our Patreon subscribers from coming alongside us in a very real way. If Intimate Covenant has blessed your marriage, we'd love to have you join us too. Subscribe at patreoncom. Slash intimate covenant.

Speaker 1:

And please support our affiliate businesses who help support Intimate Covenant Links, and exclusive discount codes for these marriage-centered businesses are in the show notes. Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.